Humor Page

"I had been teaching my three year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after me. One night she said she was ready to solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail. Amen." --author unknown

One day, as I was walking down the road, I spotted a frog sitting in the middle of a pond with a big, silly grin on his face. I said," Hey frog! You're green, you're ugly AND you're sitting in the middle of a STINKY pond. What do you have to grin about?" He replied, "You'd be happy too, if you could eat everything that bugs you!"

EVERYTHING I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM NOAH'S ARK

1. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

2. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something really BIG.

3. Don't listen to critics -- do what has to be done.

4. Build on the high ground.

5. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

6. Two heads are better than one.

7. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails.

8. If you can't fight or flee -- float!

9. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.

10. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.

11. When the doo-doo gets really deep, don't sit there and complain-- shovel!

12. Stay below deck during the storm.

13. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.

14. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.

15. Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.

16. Don't miss the boat.

17. No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the other side.

SHINGLES

More and more doctors are running their practices like an assembly lines.

One "fella" walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.  He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.

A half-hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he  had.  He said, "Shingles." So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked himwhat he had.  He said, "Shingles."

The doctor said, "Where?"

He said, "Outside in the truck.  Where do you want them?"