…. The stages of
grief are:
§
Denial
§
Anger
§
Bargaining
§
Depression
§
Acceptance
After a disaster
you will definitely go through the stages of grief, but you might not
go through each stage only once, and you might not go through them in
the order specified. For instance, you might move from anger to
bargaining, then back again, before you move on to depression, and
finally acceptance. It is important to remember that not all people
move through the stages with the same intensity of emotions, or at the
same rate. These differences in how and when individuals experience
each stage can add stress to relationships. For example, a husband who
is in the anger stage may be very impatient with a wife who is still
in denial: "I can't understand why she's still got her head in
the sand." She, on the other hand, may be wondering: "Why is
he so angry when there's nothing to be angry about?" ….
Denial:
"No, not me, it can't be true."
Anger:
"Why me?"
Bargaining:
"Yes, me, but...." It allows you to "frame" the
crisis so you can manage it. Bargaining may help you cope with
feelings of sadness without experiencing deep depression.
Depression:
"There is no hope." A crisis entails loss, which is followed
by sadness.
Acceptance:
"It's all right now." Once the preceding stages have been
completely worked through, you will finally be able to accept what has
happened, and you may even be stronger than you were before the
disaster occurred.
Addendum
II
Working
Through the Stages of Grief
(2002
NAF Conference, care of Sue Kittel)
When one of our children receives a diagnosis of Friedreich's Ataxia,
the
whole family can experience grief. The following list includes the
stages of a unique grief, called Anticipatory Grief. As most of us know, as we
cope
with a progressive condition like FA, we continue to grieve through
each
stage of change and progression.
We may feel some or all of these emotions during Anticipatory Grief.
1. Intense Sadness
2. Frustration
3. Guilt
4. Anger
5. Loneliness
6. Fear
7. Hope
What could hinder you?
1. Denial
2. Poor Communication
3. Other Complicating Factors (i.e.: other illness in the family, or
financial
problems, etc.)
4. Lack of Support
How Can I Help Myself?
1. Keep communication open between you and your children, spouse and one or two close friends.
2. Express your emotions (happy, sad, anger, etc.)
3. Take time to care for yourself.
4. Reach out for help
Addendum
III
Sure Steps to Caregiver Burnout
(Words
of wisdom from Carmen Leal-Pock's presentation at the HDSA national
convention in Rochester, NY, June 1997)
From the
Winter 1999 issue of Hopes
& Dreams, newsletter of the Illinois Chapter, Huntington's
Disease Society of America.
1.
"Do it alone."
You
really don't need help from friends, family, and other caregivers.
2.
Don't pursue your own activities.
Your
whole life should revolve around concentrating in the illness. And
never do anything silly, just for yourself -- you might forget, for
just a moment, the horrible situation the illness placed you and your
loved ones in.
3.
Forget about planning time for yourself alone or with others.
If
you leave your "patient" alone or in someone else's care for
a few hours, who knows what might happen?
4.
Don't set limits on care giving activities.
This is a 24-hour, 7 day a week job. In order
to do it right, you need to respond to every request, right away!
5.
Spend holidays alone with the person with HD.
Better
yet, arrange a stressful holiday gathering with as many activities as
possible, to prove that the person with HD is "the same as he or
she ever was."
6.
Engrave your plans in stone.
It's
much better to "forget the whole thing" than to remain
flexible and risk having an alternative good time. If the person with
HD can't fully participate, he or she should just sit the whole thing
